Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize