tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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