Someone shit on the floor
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize