Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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