Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
