He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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