So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
