He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize