When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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