Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize