I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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