the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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