goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
