Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
