Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
