Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize