I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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