I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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