My first STD was from a foam party
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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