And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
