Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
