Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
