He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
