We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
