Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
