I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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