We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
