Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
