WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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