Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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