Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize