I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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