The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
