A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Did I show you my penis last night?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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