he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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