she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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