okay pat passed out under dana's car
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
