I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
