Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
