All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
