i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
