we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
