dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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