so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
