it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize