1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
