so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the day after is always just damage control
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
