Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
