Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
