I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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