Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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