Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
