My hand turned me down
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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