Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
