I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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