Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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