I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
