How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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