did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
