He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
