Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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