im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
