You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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