And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
