he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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