Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
