I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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