I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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