So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
